After basic biographies and quirks and quotes, we now move into the realm of saintly kitsch. Some people, known as Kitsch Kranks, are unable to enjoy the humor of this round. But for the rest of you, enjoy a whimsical romp into the various ways our saints are honored. Or just hold your breath and click on the links below to view the writeups from the previous rounds, and we’ll see you for the Faithful Four.
We kick things off with Albert Schweitzer taking on Cornelius the Centurion in a battle of the ancient and modern. To get to this point, Albert bested Henry Mühlenberg and Thomas the Apostle, while Cornelius made it past Piran of Cornwell and Adomnan of Iona.
If you missed yesterday's Elate Eight edition of Monday Madness, do penance. And then watch it here as Tim and Scott share the Greatest Commandments of Lent Madness.
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Cornelius the Centurion
Cornelius was a centurion in the Roman army who was part of God’s revelation to Peter that, yes, actually, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a sheet that includes all manner of humans, no matter how quirky, weird, and kitschy. You, too, can have your nightly reminder that you are part of that diverse community of God’s beloved with your very own Cornelius the Centurion Duvet Cover.
After rising from a restful sleep, you can channel your inner Roman soldier by wearing this Roman centurion costume on Easter Day, when a portion of Acts 10 is read. Complete with a helmet, your Roman Easter bonnet will be a stunning addition to all the Easter finery.
For those Cornelius devotees who want a more elegant way to honor their favorite faithful centurion, this bobblehead statue is the perfect option. Cornelius wears typical centurion clothing of the time (as far as we know) and stands ready to bobble to you each day as you prepare to live your life as a faithful Christian.
What? The statue still doesn’t fit your idea of something to honor this faithful servant of Jesus? Well, let this elegant centurion lighter light your fire of faith. Perfect for lighting your devotional candles or the charcoal for the incense to add ambience and a certain holiness for prayer vigils.
For those who need a softer, more tender Cornelius to cuddle with for comfort in times of stress, Centurion Teddy is ready and waiting for your snuggles. Cornelius’s faith, though strong, had a softer side, willing to bow at Peter’s feet in honor of this disciple of Jesus.
And finally, we pay homage the only Episcopal Church in active use named for St. Cornelius in Dodge City. Yep, that Dodge City where Miss Kitty, Marshall Dillon, Festus, and the Gunsmoke gang had all sorts of adventures. It’s the only original Church still in use on Dodge City’s Gospel Hill that, as noted by a resident of Dodge City in the 1890’s, overlooked all manner of debauchery on Front Street. You can stop by, worship, and enjoy some excellent hospitality in the true model of their patron saint.
Albert Schweitzer
The Lent Madness Faithful have spoken. Things DO NOT HAPPEN FOR A REASON (unless you are playing a board game that is, and that’s usually because you didn’t roll good dice—however, no more board gaming, it’s time for some serious kitsch). Albert only advances if you VOTE for this awesome stuff that can only be found courtesy of Google. In order to be like Albert, you need to pray like Albert and that includes praying for animals too.
To be like Albert, you need to Quest for Jesus. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can play a real life quest game in the “Life of Christ” (I know you said no more board games, but I couldn’t resist).
Also, it wouldn’t be fair to expand your depth of faith without also trying to look like Albert. You can get your Albert Schweitzer mustache here.
To be like Albert, you also need to like cats (and dogs—I’m not going to lose this vote over a cat vs. dog fight) and drink coffee (It’s almost like Tim Schenck is the reincarnation of Albert, maybe we can get Tim to grow a mustache if Albert wins). [editor's note: he can't and won't]
To be like Albert, you should also dress like Albert, while you spend Albert money on the poor.
And while you are dressed like Albert and look like Albert and pray like Albert, you should care for the world like Albert, because the most important gift Albert left the world was love. He knew that if you sprinkled that care, compassion, intentional faith, walking in service to others in dark and ugly places, that’s where you will find true happiness…and consequently, where you find God as well.
— Anna Fitch Courie