🔥 This is the ELATE 8 🔥 Join Fr. Christian and Fr. Michael for a full breakdown of our final rounds, crown new Canons of Comments, and lift up how these saints have transformed our faith.

The Elate 8 is all about SWAG. We have read the bios. We have heard the legends. Now it is time to see what kind of kitsch and merch these saints bring to the table.

First matchup of the round…

The denominator of denominations. The man who froze Wesley’s warmed heart and kicked the stool out from Richard Hooker… it is MARTIN LUTHER.

But he faces his toughest challenge yet.

Noah had the ark, but Joan has been sailing through this bracket. She sent Marina the Monk packing, put Nino on the midnight train back to Georgia, and now the pride of Orléans steps into another divine showdown… JOAN OF ARC.

Two giants. One spot in the Faithful Four. The Elate Eight is fully set after Constance and Her Companions sent Cosmas and Damian to Graceland, 82.49% to 17.51%. Will the Martyrs of Memphis make it onto the faithful four with either Joan of Arc or Martin Luther?

Watch the video, read the blogs, maybe even grab some merch… and VOTE.

Joan of Arc

No one can argue that St. Joan of Arc is anything less than the people’s champion in Lent Madness and beyond. Heck, she’s the jewel of all teenage female rebellion, and the model by which we might all live out our angst and zeal more…well…zealously, as our teenage-selves would prefer we had.

And if you’d like to take on St. Joan of Arc as a saint of your own personal devotion, as one of my now-retired bishops used to say, you might begin your day by grocery shopping for this lovely Coq au Vin, which was originally posted as a feast to celebrate Lady Arc’s saint day.

Or, if Coq au Vin isn’t your style, you can cozy up with Joan of Arc’s Illinois Fine Foods recipe book from the 1940’s, an absolute treasure trove of flavor bombs, canned fresh to carry the banner of dinner wars directly into your kitchen and onward toward victory!

Whatever you choose, you can plate up your feast on this fabulous piece of stoneware, a plate ready to inspire even the most hesitant dinner guest to feats of glory upon the battlefield of dessert. No swords here, just as Joan would have wanted – only dessert forks.

If the kitchen is not a spiritual discipline of your saintly devotion, perhaps I could entice you to celebrate and honor our dear Joan as you sit and sip your morning coffee and bask in the early sunlight streaming through the most magnificent stained glass you’ve ever sat before. Very demure. Very mindful. Very battle ready.

And if Lady Arc’s faithfulness to her godly mission, even unto death, has inspired you to more formal representations of your own devotion, may I interest you in a coat of arms which you can attach to any coat (so they tell me)?

And, while you’re writing home about the wonders of Joan’s saintliness and her transformative properties on your own heart, you certainly need to invest in some sealing wax and a one-of-a-kind signet ring – the authenticity of your letters will never be questioned again! May all our voices be as authentically ours as Joan’s was to her, and may our words and lives be ever led by the same Spirit of God which led her.

— Samantha Smith

Martin Luther

Martin Luther: monk, priest, rouser of rabble, writer of lists, and reformer of immense global Christian churches–also can lay claim to much merchandise, like so many of our saints.

When one peruses Amazon (another vast global empire Luther might want to consider aiming a list at), much kitsch is immediately on offer.  One can purchase a sweatshirt with Luther’s image, and “Nailed it!” below.

From Etsy, one can obtain a mug that reads “I’ve got 95 problems, but a pope ain’t one”.  (Which….would not be correct, strictly speaking.  At the time of writing the 95 theses, Luther did have a pope.  That’s part of why he wrote them.  Come on, mug people–the commentariat of Lent Madness will not stand for such inaccuracy!)

You can also obtain a helpful poster of the said 95 Theses, should you wish to make a footnoted edition, and send it to the mug people, explaining just where they are in error, in classic Luther-style.  Or to attach it to their door.  Or maybe you want to combine the Theses with a hand-drawn map of Wittenberg, and trace Luther’s path to his festive burning of his papal bull.  There’s also a Christmas ornament with Luther’s picture, and the declaration “We found God in a popeless place.”  Lutherans have jokes, it would seem.

Any compilation of Luther kitsch would be bereft if it failed to mention perhaps the crowning glory of Luther-mania: LUTHER: THE ROCK OPERA.  The music group Lost and Found wrote and performed this modern opus in 2018, and it is now available for you, wherever you stream your music.  There is perhaps no person more deserving of rock opera treatment than Martin Luther, who I’m sure would have really enjoyed a good guitar solo as he argued against his foes.

— Megan Castellan