Congratulations! You've stuck with Lent Madness as a Lenten devotion and the field has been whittled down from 32 saints to eight. After a long and winding road, we have made it to the Round of the Elate Eight. There is now light at the end of the Golden Halo and by the end of the week we’ll be down to the Faithful Four.
We begin this round with an epic battle of Biblical proportions as Peter faces Esther. To make it this far, Peter defeated Paul and John the Evangelist while Esther got past Lazarus of Bethany and Michael the Archangel. The remaining matchups in this round are Phocas the Gardener vs. Richard Hooker, Martin de Porres vs. Maria Skobtsova, and Anna Alexander vs. Eglantyne Jebb. One of these eight will win the 2018 Golden Halo.
The Elate Eight is also known as the Saintly Kitsch round. After basic biographies, quotes and quirks, what else could there be? There are always some folks who take offense to this approach — we call them Kitsch Kranks. Tim and Scott discussed this in yesterday's edition of Monday Madness. This is not to belittle or demean our saintly heroes but to have some fun and gaze in wide wonder at the breadth of devotional practice. So kindly relax and enjoy the spirit of the Madness as we push ever onward to our goal.
Peter
In his afterlife, St. Peter is perhaps best known for his important work guarding the gates of heaven. It’s a tough job, and who better than a repentant sinner to welcome the rest of us, in our varying degrees of holiness? Here he is looking down upon St. Ita (left) and (right) singing a duet with popstar Amy Winehouse, who died of a drug overdose in 2011.
Jokes starring St. Peter often make fun of--or laud--certain professions. Here’s one knocking mine:
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy wearing a leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter asks, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I’m Joe, taxi driver, New York City native."
St. Peter consults his list, smiles, and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven, and it’s the minister’s turn.
He stands proudly and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary Church.”
St Peter consults his list. "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff? How can this be?!"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
As a minister myself, if I get in, I expect I’ll be wearing cotton in the kingdom.
If you’re worried whether Peter will open the gates for you, try this work around: A key with the Rock of the Church’s saintly image on it. The pendant is sure to function just like a retina scan and send those gates swinging wide! (How much security can there really be up there, anyway?)
You could also try some ‘Success’ scented essential oils, named after Peter because people pray to him to remove obstacles. But buyer beware: Peter’s version of success involves getting crucified upside down, then fast-tracked to heaven.
You might also start pleading your case early with this personalized St. Peter stationary. Conversely, if you’re a prankster, you might order the paper printed with Peter’s address and send threatening letters to people who--in your humble opinion--need to shape up in order to pass through the Pearly Gates.
Of course, the veneration of Peter goes well beyond our self-serving concerns about who will be allowed into God’s Kingdom. People admire him for his good works and
guidance of the early church. Genuine fans of Peter can purchase saintly statues on Amazon, but again beware of Etsy, where a search for St. Peter might turn up this votive candle featuring the dubiously sainted Evan Peters, star of the show American Horror Story and available for purchase online.
The most devout of Peter fans might choose to honor his inverted crucifixion by wearing an upside down cross or this feminine fitted tee that simply screams, “Yes, I have a trim waist and want to show of my Michelle 
Obama arms, but I love me some St. Peter!”
Personally, I’ll be buying myself and the Rev. David Sibley matching Sts. Peter and Paul shirts to commemorate this year’s bracket. David, did you want to show off your guns, or shall I buy you the man tee?
Esther
The hard part about being a super-secret, Sydney-Bristow-spy-saint is that the kitsch you have is so secret as to be hard to detect.
However, my Lenten compadres, this should not suggest to you that Queen Esther is without swag. By no means! Just that you need to know where and how to look.
For starters, cast thine eyes upon this figurine of Saint Esther. This is a prop from a play about a Hispanic family in 
New Mexico, that discovers they are descended from the conversos who fled Spain during the Inquisition. Seen one way, the image of Saint Esther. Flipped upside down, you can see the figures of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea through the parted waters at the hand of Moses—hidden in plain sight.
Esther, please recall, is all about the power of holding onto your God-given identity, even when everything in the world would have you abandon it. This is a powerful message, and speaks to us even today. Yea, and behold, even if humans were silent, the very vegetables would cry aloud this message, for Esther’s tale was retold by the redoubtable bards of Veggie Tales (please ignore the creepiness of their lack of arms or hands, and how they yet manage to manipulate objects.) If you have a spare 40 minutes in your life, it’s all on YouTube.
My personal favorite retelling of Esther’s story, however, is by BimBam, which will having you chanting “GO ESTHER! GO ESTHER!” If you want something more advanced, Joan Collins made a movie about Esther. Yes, THAT Joan Collins, darling. Come for the guys in hats playing bongos, stay for Haman on drugs!
Maybe that is not enough for you, however. Perhaps you need a tangible reminder to be your true, God-given self
at all times. In which case, might I direct your gaze upon this selection of tiaras? Indeed, the internet is such a wonderful place that it has given to us a Tiara Town, where one can purchase not only a tiara to remind yourself to always be the self God wants you to be, but matching tiaras for all your pets.
Finally, we all know it takes courage, persistence, and stamina to resist unjust regimes. It is not easy, and it is not a quick fix. So, in all seriousness, I think Esther would be all about the Southern Poverty Law Center right now. With hate crimes seeing a meteoric rise across the country, their work in identifying and stopping hate groups in the United States is more needed than ever. After white supremacists murdered a woman in Charlottesville over the summer, they have redoubled their efforts, releasing this list of ten ways you, like Esther, can fight hatred where you are.
All of us have a role to play—whether we choose to wear a tiara or just to watch that insane Joan Collins movie on repeat. God calls on each one of us to make this a more just and loving world, as Esther tried to.
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234 comments on “Peter vs. Esther”
Love BimBam's Purim Story!
Much closer at this time than expected... Wow! 546 Esther to Peter's 531.
But the ability to turn reality in its head, as in Esther's statue, with depiction of the parting of the Red Sea won me over completely. (Initially, I was all in for Peter.)
Esther for the win!
I loved Peter's kitsch, but would rather have Esther on a coffee mug.
I got sidetracked by the Tiara Town link. Lots of bling there! I had to vote for Peter. His life was a bit messy but through him we can see faith, forgiveness, and grace. That is hope for all of us.
Nevertheless, she persisted.
Well, curmudgeons be gone! I love this kitsch! And I’m sticking with Esther.
Esther, Esther, Esther! It's Women's History Month...vote Esther!
Wow! Tied at 9:13 a.m.!
Bringing in the SPLC on Esther's behalf was a sneaky move! I might have voted for her, but I'm more certain that Peter actually existed, and that kinda matters to me.
tha, Elaine. I agree!
And yet, she asked for an extra day to commit genicide against her enemies
Peter is my pet rock. The Amy Winehouse duet piece is one stupendous yet oddly touching piece of kitsch.
I am disappointed with today’s Lenten Madness write up. Peter and Esther deserve a better representation of their good works instead of merchandising and spoofing.
It's the kitschy round -- Peter and Esther have had serious write-ups in the first two rounds, this is the light relief. I think it makes good moments of levity in the long last week of reflection before Palm Sunday and the start of Holy Week.
So I chose Peter, because without him there would be no Church, no Lent, and therefore no Madness.
On the other hand, without Esther there might have been no Jews and no Jesus, at least as we know him.
Maybe that’s why they’re tied.
Esther's outrageous courage deserves the golden halo.
Meagan's description brought the choice of Esther the only way to go in this time of chaos!
I voted for Peter because that Amy Winehouse cartoon really was perfect, and I appreciated the joke and the description of the T-shirt for women. But bravo to both bloggers!! Those write-ups were wonderful and the armless veggies had me laughing out loud. The kitsch round is so fun!
I mean, kitsch that includes both St. Peter and Amy Winehouse??? Wins hands down in my book!
Always Esther.
Esther because of that really good write up! Gets an A
HELP! Who won yesterday, March 19?
There was no Lent Madness yesterday--it being Sunday and all. Weekends are hard!
Oh drat! That's what happens when I travel. I lost a day!! It was Eglantyne.
but this is Tuesday so yesterday as Monday, by my reckoning, so there must have been voting. I remember doing it. I think.
I voted for Peter because he was the best friend of Jesus and a fisherman (not a Queen). And he said "i am just a stupid man."
Here is a recipe for hamentaschen. https://www.marthastewart.com/344675/hamantaschen
I will likely give it a try before the next round (assuming Esther stays in the lead), and if I like it, I'll post it on my blog.
It ain’t over till the cock crows thrice.
And then the fat lady sings.
Mary Magdalene was not fat! 😀
(Lest anyone misunderstand, that was a joke!)
I agree, Oliver. I admire Esther, but Peter gives me hope that my mistakes will be overlooked by Jesus when I meet Peter at the pearly gates
Queen Esther for Actions!! Download that resource book & do something
against hate, injustice & corruption. Thank you, Megan for that link to examples
of modern day Esthers.
YASS QUEEN!
Loved all the kitsch, ladies! I'd like to go for that St. Peter key myself, although the aluminum foil-covered one in Abigail Brown's hilarious essay sounds like fun.
As for Esther, what about all the loads and loads of Purim kitsch--tambourines, Haman costumes, balloons and graggers, gift baskets of hamanaschen and nuts and kosher wine, masks, wrapping paper and coloring books!
Voting for Esther! In a moment of Esther-Ecstasy I took her all the way to the Golden Halo on my bracket. Too much kosher wine, I guess?
I intentionally steered clear of Purim items because I don’t want to appropriate what is a very real and sacred religious holiday for our Jewish sisters and brothers for our own Christian use in Lent Madness. It did not seem respectful.
Well thought out and well done. Perhaps next year there might be a Rabbi-in-Residence for such needs. (see a Twitter discussion: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/975758872676794368
Megan did very ell all on her own.
I would love to see Rabbi Danya take a turn as a CB!
Just for the sake of argument, Megan, it seems to me that Purim is the perfect meeting point of Lent Madness (where are the italics when you need them?) and Judaism. Purim isn't a solemn, high holy day, but a day of noise and parades and feasting. Rabbi Eliyahu KiTov writes: "If one attains holiness through affliction, and another attains holiness through indulgence, who is the greater of the two? It may be said that the one who attains holiness through indulgence is greater, for the attainment of holiness through indulgence requires an infinitely greater degree of striving and effort." (Book Of Our Heritage) Celebratory items like tambourines, balloons, and Haman costumes seem like great Esther kitsch to me.
Megan, agreed that Purim is an important holiday for our Jewish friends.
I do wish, though, that the Saintly Scorecard booklets still had recipes as they did for several years. One for hamantaschen would have been a welcome addition!
Oh YUM YES!
me too
Peter was a mess. I can relate. Voted for Peter.
Here I was thinking I was going to vote for Peter, but Esther, you had me at Southern Poverty Law Center.
Peter was a mess. I can relate. Peter gets my vote.
Esther is totally mesmerizing but I named my son Peter. So there you are.
Though Peter will always give me hope that I too am beloved and of use to God despite my faults and fumblings, it's Esther for me. Esther, who, though her name is not in all of those begats, is in the direct line of Jesus' spiritual lineage, and without whom he might not have come to be. Esther, who was emboldened by the living and eternal Word before that Word became flesh in Jesus; who reminds us that salvation history dances through time and space and is more grand and encompassing than any one creed or culture. (Seriously: why isn't Esther's story part of the Liturgy of the Word in the Easter Vigil???) Esther, because speaking truth to power is as needful as ever. Go Esther! Go Esther!
"The power of holding onto your God-given identity, even when everything in the world would have you abandon it." What could be more important today than that? Esther!